Deep listening is an art form. How you listen to one person can differ dramatically in how you would listen to another. Furthermore, how you listen to yourself differs again, if you listen to yourself at all!
Deep listening impacts your life in ways you can’t imagine
What is it about our world nowadays that has stopped us from really listening? You hear all sorts of excuses. From I’m too busy. I don’t have the time. I forget and by the end of the day, you’re too tired. Then the days slip by. Then weeks. And months.
Despite the feelings of guilt, you still don’t take the time. The sad part is that we all miss out on the most amazing moments. The most amazing experiences that listening and being listened to create.
We all loved being listened to. It makes us feel special. That we count. I wrote about this in my blog a few years ago; “Listen to yourself to be able to listen to others”.
And I’ve learnt so much more since then I want to share with you. When I reread it I had the wonderful reminder that we need to listen to ourselves first. We need to take the time to sit quietly from time to time to connect to your hearts and souls. To hear the messages that our bodies give us on a daily basis.
Yet, we ignore them. Because deep listening can be painful. It means looking at who you are and how you are in this world. It means making changes if you want life to be different.
We put ourselves last not realizing that how can we truly be there for others if we aren’t there for ourselves? How can we feel and see the cues, the feelings that are behind the words and actions? How do we trust what we are hearing? What is being said?
Furthermore, people know when we aren’t deeply listening. Whether that be for 5 minutes or 5 hours.
Yet, such magic happens when you take the time to listen.
What does deep listening look like
- Simply being present. Sometimes, there is no need to say anything. Simply sit and listen.
- Not being distracted. Not allowing your own thoughts and views get in the way.
- Stilling your body. It’s easy to get fidgety when you are worried about needing to do other things.
- Be present with an open heart. This takes skill and practice to sit with empathy and not in judgment of the other person.
- Be accepting. Despite the other’s person’s views, be accepting even if they differ from yours. That doesn’t mean you have to like them.
- Know your triggers. This is a big one. Until we know what triggers us, we can so easily react to what the person is saying and close ourselves off.
- Repeat back what has been said. Where it’s appropriate paraphrase what you believe you have heard. This clarifies any potential misunderstandings.
And all this applies to yourself when you sit down quietly. Sit and listen with attention. With acceptance. Without distractions. Still your body, mind, and soul. Watch what happens.
Moreover, you get to know who you are, what’s important to you and how to discern between what is yours and what belongs to the other person. This helps create a boundary and separation.
It’s so easy to fall into the other person’s story and energy. And you lose sight of yourself which can be draining. In addition, you have to keep at it. That’s why I’m writing this as a reminder to myself as well as to you.
That is to say, I can still get hurt or resentful which stops me from listening. Which affects communication and therefore meaningful and sincere friendships.
Where can you learn deep listening?
In a woman’s circle. This is an ancient tradition that is being revived. Why? Because so many of us are craving meaningful connection; craving being heard; being listened to; witnessed in a loving and non-judgemental way.
In so many ways we have become so disconnected from ourselves, our families, our lives and what is important to us through being so busy doing.
We’ve lost sight of the art of being. Sitting in and with our femininity. Sitting with other women knowing we’ll be accepted no matter what. Above we’ve lost sight of ourselves. Our beautiful glorious selves.
I mention in another of my previous blogs, How being in a circle feels like coming home, how I truly believe that when women come together something exceptional is created – a connection to ourselves and to the Divine Feminine. When sitting in a circle you love being in, you get to experience a sense of belonging.
That is to say, you’ll be understood, heard, honoured where you can explore what it means for you to be a woman. A circle allows you to open up and discover how to reconnect to your feminine and listening deeply to what she has to say.
And above all, where your presence is more than enough. This is your gift to the circle.
In short, this is how you how you truly listen from the heart and create deep connections with yourself and others.
If any of this resonates, why not join one of my online circles. Here’s the link to my event page with up and coming circle dates. To read more about how being in a circle feels like coming home, read my blog. Or simply join my closed Mindful Woman Facebook page. Love to see you there. xx
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Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at www.unfoldyoufreedom.com.au
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