Effective communication is so important in all areas of our lives. Yet, do you feel you communicate in such a way that you feel confident and heard?
effective communication is a skill
This seems to be one of the many skills we aren’t taught in childhood. A lot of us were taught to be seen and not heard. And our young opinions didn’t count. We were told what to do, what we liked, and what we needed. There wasn’t much room for self-expression and being able to communicate what was important for us. And effective communication wasn’t on top of the list of importance. Furthermore, obedience and not speaking out were.
Does this resonate with you? If not, I would love to hear how it was for you growing up in the comments section below. If it does, the question is what can you do to bring effective communication into your life. Like with anything it takes time and practice to learn this new skill. As you know it is difficult to shake an old habit. However, it is well worth your while starting now and releasing yourself from years of conditioning.
what holds you back from effective communication
First of all, you need to look at what is holding you back from communicating and getting what you want. Does speaking out make you feel anxious? Do you begin to perspire, tremble inside, feel nauseous and then find you have lost your voice? Or do you get aggressive, speak with a loud voice and bulldoze your way through a conversation? Sometimes, this is the only way you feel heard, is by being loud and bolshy. Other times, you hold yourself back out of fear of being ridiculed, rejected or cast aside as unimportant. Either way, you lose out.
You so easily get caught up in other people’s perceptions of you that you lose sight of your own value and who you really are. What you don’t realise is that you aren’t following your own heart and what you want from life. You feel like a stranger to yourself, because you aren’t connected to you. There is this constant sense of inadequacy and self-doubt that dictates your life. It weighs down on you all the time. However, because you are so used to it, you don’t even realise this. You are constantly second guessing yourself as the other person’s opinion is of more value than your own. As a consequence, you may never make decisions based on what is right for you and what you need.
what can help you find your voice
You can find your voice for effective communication in so many different ways. I love to journal and wrote about this in my blog ‘Courage to Say what You need to Say’. When you journal you get the emotion out on paper. You are able to express your true feeling about the person or situation which is upsetting you. This is important because once you go into emotion you lose the other person. They either switch off or attack back because they feel attacked. Consequently, neither of you get the outcome you want.
Sit quietly and sort through your thoughts and emotions. You will be surprised at how controlling your thoughts are. It is important to get an idea of what it is you are actually thinking about because you can then sift through what is relevant and what isn’t. Your thoughts have a wonderful way of weaving stories and magnifying the situation. I love this quote by Shakespeare ‘Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so’ I used in “How are you controlling your thoughts’ blog.
Once you have taken the sting out of the emotions, you can then start looking at how you want to get your point of view across. Do you want to do it face to face or in writing? What tone do you want to adopt and words do you want to use? Remember it needs to remain factual.
Get it all down. Your emotions,blame, indignation, self-righteousness, anger and hurt. And then cull. Keep culling until it feels right. You will know as your gut will tell you. If you find it difficult to listen to your gut, walk away and then come back to it. This will give you a chance to see it in a new light. Are you listening to yourself or is your ego getting in the way? That is something I had to learn; to get out of self-righteousness and ego. Sort out fact from fiction. I had to learn the hard way: it is painful not to listen to yourself (another blog). It is about trusting yourself and having confidence in your own thoughts, value and opinions.
When you allow yourself to be mindfully and truthfully you, your life takes on a whole different perspective. As a result, you will find that you feel more confident, joyful, loving, and happy with a zest for your life. And the life you are leading is yours and no one else’s because you are expressing yourself in your own way. That is true freedom – being you.
I will be writing more on this topic as I feel it is so important to lead the lives we want to lead. In the meantime, if you would like to delve deeper into finding your voice, purchase my Unfold Your Voice Ebook.
You’ll be shown how to speak your truth, feel heard, listen effectively, have a voice and be able to say yes. And end starting to express yourself with confidence.
it’s time to find your true voice
Love this post on effective communication? Or know someone who needs to read this? Please share away! I would also love to hear what you think about my post, leave me a comment below ♥
Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at www.unfoldyoufreedom.com.au
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