How to get clear on what you want
‘This is the year I am going to change and get clear on what I want. Oh, and this is the year I am going to lose weight, achieve my financial goals, fall in love, get organised, see friends, meditate, exercise, go that art class, and have time for me’.
Resonate in some way or other?
That is what it used to be like for me. And I never seemed to do what I had in mind. And I couldn’t understand why. I would start each year off optimistic and full of enthusiasm with ‘I can do’ attitude. This year is going to be the one where all my dreams would come true. Then somehow I would lose momentum and end up feeling despondent, even though I would keep plodding on.
Now I love this time of the year. Why? Because I allow myself the time and space to let go and enjoy. It’s a time for reflection, renewal and celebration of who you are and what you have done. And I now look at how I can get clear on what I want each year. That was the missing element.
And of course, I look at what is still holding me back from getting that?
So where do you start to get clear?
Something that took me a while to let go of was doing it the ‘right’ way. There is so much out there on how to set goals, affirmations, be specific, plaster them all over your walls, even in your shower. I began to feel a failure as I wasn’t getting the results others were. There was no vision board in sight, even though each year I had every intention of doing one. Finally, I did one. But my heart wasn’t in it at all.
Needless to say, I didn’t relate to it at all.
It all became too overwhelming and was so easy just to brush it all aside. Was it because I was resisting looking at myself and why I didn’t achieve what I had set out to? Or was it simply because I wasn’t doing it my way? This is what helped me get clear on what I wanted. And I am constantly refining it.
Celebrate your wins
First of all look at what happened last year for you. It’s very important to celebrate your wins no matter how small they are. This keeps you positive and inspired to keep going, particularly when you feel life is against you.
List what you want
Often our minds go blank. We know what we don’t want. However, it is harder to work out what we do want. Having said that it is a way to get started as you eliminate that first leaving space for you to fill with what you do want.
Ask yourself the following questions and write a list of
– what you want
– why you want it
– how will it feel having it
Then the how will come. But first, you need to know what it is you want.
Whilst doing this no longer ask yourself ‘why’, ask yourself ‘how can I … ’ as this changes your belief system from a limiting one to a positive one. Always see if there is a better solution. At times, we get so caught up in the emotion that we cannot see other possibilities. This is very freeing when you can.
Become aware of any negative self-talk
If only we realised how negative thoughts dictate our lives. Not only that how they affect how and what we feel, do and say at a deeper level. We do not even realise the grip it has on every decision we make in our lives until we stop and listen. And this can be very painful as we have a great habit of beating ourselves a lot of the time without even realising it.
A well worthwhile exercise to do is to write down the negatives, as they are easy to do. You will be surprised how many you actually have. This will be confrontational. And you may go into denial. Stick with it. Then write next to each one a positive one. At first, this won’t come easily. However, keep coming back to it. Emotions will come up. Sit with them until they dissipate.
How? By taking time out to sit quietly for a while to just be and calm yourself down, to notice what is happening in your body and then let it go. For more ideas read my blog on negative self-talk. Then bring in the positive and sit with that: feel it, savour it, play with it and let it be with you. And will begin to be part of you.
Find your Values
Finding what is important to you is invaluable. They define who you are. They are a reference point in all that you do, say and be. As Elvis Presley says: “Values are like fingerprints. Nobodies are the same, but you leave ’em all over everything you do.” Because once defined you will find that they are useful and comforting to rely on as they become a guiding force to point you in the right direction when making decisions. Values become a central part of all that you do.
See where do you procrastinate
This is a big one. Procrastination holds us back from leading the lives we want on so many levels. On the surface, you may not think you are constantly postponing or putting things off. It’s easily rationalised. However, when you stop and take a good look at yourself, you will see what you are doing. Whether it be fear driven or from feelings of inadequacy or imperfection. For more read ‘Why Procrastination is Fear Driven’.
Then make the best of every opportunity that comes your way and watch miracles start to happen. It begins to snowball and lead to exciting times. What I have loved about getting clear on what I want is the journey of being who I want to be as much as what I want to have and do.
As Joseph Campbell says: ‘the privilege of a lifetime is being who you are’. And that it is. A privilege!
I trust this blog and those I have referred to give you an inkling of how to get clear on what you want. And get you started and on your way. Life takes on a whole different hue when you do.
Need some guidance? Here is the link to my Joyful Living page to see how you would like to be guided by me. You can either dip your toe in for 1 1/2 hours, spend an intensive day immersing both feet or immerse your whole mind, body and soul for 3 months.
If you are unsure which one, book a 1/2 hour clarity call with me.
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