give yourself first

What? I can hear you from here. Yes, give yourself first. That goes against all that we were brought up with. It is just not done. So when we are asked what it is we would like to receive and how, most of us don’t even know how to answer. It is not in our thought form to do so. We might fantasize. We might dream. However, when push comes to shove we go blank as it is foreign to us.

I am going to put something to you. How does not feeling guilty feel? How does being true to yourself sound? These are some of the things you will feel when you start giving yourself. It is so powerful and truly affects our lives and our physical and mental health. When we give selflessly it gives you a false sense of being needed, of feeling important and powerful. In reality, this is all an illusion. What we don’t realise is that over a long period of time we are depleting ourselves of energy. We begin to feel resentful and angry, even though we would never admit that to ourselves nor to anyone else.

We are brought up to believe that giving is more virtuous than receiving. According to A Course in Miracles:’ to give a thing requires first you have it in your own possession’. This means that if you haven’t received, how can you give, because you can’t give what you haven’t received. We keep on giving and giving and giving. And without receiving we begin to feel inadequate as it never feels enough. There is this hole we have to keep filling up as giving only goes one way. Out. We need to be filled as well.

a full well

When we can give to ourselves first we have a full well to give to others without draining all our resources. We are supporting ourselves to be able to support others. We are showing ourselves self-love and self-respect. And we are being true to ourselves without feeling guilty. And life becomes so much more enjoyable and fulfilling. As civil rights activist and poet Audre Lorde once said: “I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival”. Take a moment to reflect on this.

And not only is is an act of survival, it is an act of strength and courage as we are looking after our own health and sense of well-being. Life changes and becomes manageable and fun. We have so much more energy to do all that we need to and want to. We feel balanced, confident and vibrant. Our relationships are enhanced as we do not resent others. We stop feeling unappreciated, needy and depleted.

What is interesting is that we can then give even more, because we can and want to. We can now choose what we want to give out as we are coming from a full well. And giving to ourselves and others becomes effortless and joyful.

Start today.

Do something for yourself today, no matter how small and insignificant it may seem to you. And take a moment to enjoy the sensations it gives you.

‘Respect yourself and others will respect you’. Confucius

Namaste. And have a beautiful day.


meet chantal

Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at



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