From a young age, we were wired to ask for permission. Permission for everything we wanted to do. Depending on your upbringing you weren’t free to be you.
we were conditioned to ask for permission
We weren’t taught to give ourselves permission to be who we really are. Furthermore, we had to look up at our parents, teacher, bosses, the church, and anyone in authority. In fact, we were taught to be afraid of authority to keep us small and submissive.
For years, this has been drummed into us, until one day you wake up wanting more. You are wanting to lead your life, sing your own song, and create your own life.
You begin to realise that you want to self-author your own life. Yet how? Where do you start? What are you fearing?
Are you fearing who you really are? Are you fearing your beauty, your strengths, your uniqueness? What is holding you back from being purely you without all the attachments and fears? Is it fear of rejection, not being accepted, ridicule, not belonging?
For me, it has boiled down to feeling. To feeling confident and beautiful. To be able to be uniquely me. It is about giving myself permission to let go of old beliefs, old patterns, ingrained in me from the family norms I was brought up in, the society I was born into. It was about finally breaking free – free from guilt, shame, not feeling enough, feeling completely loyal to my family and its long-held values.
What did I really want? Who was I really?
I have just written about this all afternoon. So I have captured here food for thought to get you to start questioning yourself and what you believe in. Take some time out, journal, meditate, exercise, or do whatever you need to do to just be with you.
For me it was scary and it took my breath away initially as I was going against the grain of all that I knew and ‘believed’. Well worth the journey is all I can say now. And I am here to support you as you start yours.
steps you can take to give yourself permission to be confidently you
- The fact that you have decided to read this blog means that something is triggering in you. Somewhere deep within you are recognising that you are beholden to something outside of yourself. And that needs to change. This is the first step: naming what you are feeling. Now give yourself permission to congratulate yourself that you have recognised this first step toward a new way of being.
- The next step is acknowledging that your life needs to change. You need to take a step out of your comfort zone to change how you are leading your life. The time has come for you to take charge of your own life without constantly seeking permission from others. This is a big step to take as this means that you are no longer denying or feeling numb about how you are feeling.
- Then comes acceptance. This can be hard to do as it can trigger all sorts of emotions, such as a sense of failure, not feeling good enough, shame, guilt, and embarrassment. You may go in and out of acceptance for a while. I know I did. This belief was deeply ingrained in me.
- Lastly, there comes a time when you need to release it all. To work it out of your system, your DNA. Time to let go with gratitude and forgiveness to allow love to flow in and a wonderful sense of freedom. You are leading your life now on your own terms.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Then begin to ponder the following and how do they make you feel. Sit quietly and feel your responses. I give myself permission to:
- Be confidently me.
- Feel beautiful. Freely. Imaginatively. Creatively.
- Love me. Unabashedly. Unreservedly. Uninhibited. Pure. Delight.
- Be. Just to be. The way you want. Joyfully. With abandonment.
- Be unique. Creative. Whole. Full.
- Accept yourself as you are. Totally. Completely. Unconditionally. Wholeheartedly.
- Walk away and move on without guilt.
- Have fun and enjoy my life.
- Imperfect and allow myself to make mistakes.
- Succeed and fail.
- Shine and stand out.
- Be proud of who I am and what I have achieved.
- Release the past.
- Step into my own shoes.
- Dress the way I want to.
- Be creative.
- Rest and play.
- Change directions in my life.
- What do I believe about myself that isn’t allowing me to give myself permission to be me?
- What do I need to believe about myself in order to give myself permission to be me?
- What do I need to believe about myself in order to release and give myself total permission to create my own life?
I give myself permission to be me.
Love you to share this with anyone you think would benefit from these ideas. And leave a comment with your thoughts. As there is always more we can learn from each other.
Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at www.unfoldyoufreedom.com.au
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