This is an interesting concept – the leading role in your life.

Are you holding the pen and writing your own story?

What I have found in life is that there are 3 C’s in life: choice, chance, change. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change. (source unknown). It is all about choices and your mindset. You can choose to stay in the past and remain stuck. Or you can look at why you aren’t loving life the way you want to and make changes by becoming the leading role in your life.

It is that simple. And that difficult. Most of us spend our time dwelling on the past. That is what you know and it has become a habit. The concept of being ‘being the leading role’ is foreign because you think you are already. However, when you take a moment to look back on your life, you begin to see a pattern of obsession on what could have happened, didn’t happen, should’ve, etc.

You begin to realise that you have allowed your feelings, beliefs and stories about the past dictate your present life. And even more so, you have allowed others to dictate your life. That is how you feel, what you do, how you perceive yourself and how you behave. You have become a slave to someone else’s life. It takes courage to sit down and work through the pain, shame, discomfort and resentment.

when writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen

It is simpler to hold on to it all as who would you be if you let go? You want to let go, but how? How do I become the leading role in my life? How do I rewrite my story and let go of disappointment, regret and disappointments? It all feels too hard. I hear you. I thought that, too.

It is easy to play safe and not step out into the unknown. Stepping out feels uncomfortable as in our society you aren’t allowed to feel confident, strong, ask and get what you want. It is considered arrogant, egotistical and inappropriate. So it is easier to hide and not lead the life you want. A life full of joy, love, happiness, confidence, strength, determination and you holding the pen.

So what does that mean? It means listening to yourself, making your own decisions, feeling comfortable in your own skin, even if it defies logic. You believe in yourself and how you are. You are not swayed by other people’s opinions. Yes, you make ask trusted friends what they think. However, in the end, you trust yourself to make the right decision for yourself.

You get out there and lead your life in your own way full of excitement, joy and adventure, whatever that means for you. Remember it is your life. Some of you will want to be truly out there travelling, skydiving, out and about. And some of you will want to be more circumspect enjoying a quieter life closer to home. There is no right or wrong. There is only your way.

where do you start?

For those of you who know or follow me, know that I always recommend writing – literally holding a pen and putting all your thoughts on paper. Go out, buy yourself a pretty journal with colourful pens and get started. You don’t need to write a novel. More often than not you will go blank. Just start with one word without giving it too much thought. Keep writing the same word over and over. Eventually, it will begin to flow. Let go of perfection, judgement and getting it right. What is important that you start getting your stream of consciousness onto paper. I have created a lovely ebook on how to journal. Click

Let go of perfection, judgement and getting it right. What is important that you start getting your stream of consciousness onto paper. If you are unsure how to go about it, I have created a lovely ebook on how to journal. Click here if you need help to get you going.

As you do so, begin to listen to what you are saying to yourself. Listen to what is holding you back from being the leading role in your life. Do your sentences start with: I can’t, I should, I wish, if only, I don’t have, one day, I am trying to.

These are your private thoughts. I recommend you don’t share with anyone at first, unless you absolutely trust them. When you start writing, it can make you feel vulnerable and raw. Protect yourself from criticism and judgement. You do enough of that for yourself.

turning it all around to the positive

After a while, you get to see your patterns of behaviour that hold you back from being the leading role. You will see what you can change and what needs to change. It connects you to you and what you love about yourself and your life. You get to see what it is you want from your life and what steps need to be taken to do so. Only you can make that decision. Where you saw a negative, see it as a positive. This may be tough at first. Remember there is always a silver lining in all that has happened in your life. It brings you to the point to where you are now in life.

Start to make small changes in your life. Choose to do things in a different way. Start writing yourself a better script. You will begin to feel better, more positive and excited about your life. Slowly but surely you will see there is so many possibilities for you to explore, so many adventures to be had. And all on your terms.

To summarise: it is up to you to hold your pen to write your own life. You have the choice to remain as you are or step out of your comfort zone to lead the life you want to lead. I will leave you with this quote:

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. – Anonymous

As a side note. If you would like guidance and loving support to help you rewrite your story, work with me. Here is the link to my Unfold with me page to see what programme would suit you best. Or book a clarity call first to see if we are a great match.

Love to hear your comments and thoughts on this topic.

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meet chantal

Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at



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