Negative talk is your inner voice. Things you don’t say out loud. You keep them to yourself.
negative self-talk is a powerful and
constant running commentary
That dictates our lives, how and what we feel, do and say at a deep and unconscious level. We do not even realise the grip it has on every decision we make in our lives until we stop and listen. And this can be very painful as we have a great habit of beating ourselves a lot of the time without even realising it.
So when you are reassessing your life it is important to look at the underlying vocabulary that you use to stop you from doing what you want to really do. It can undermine your confidence to such an extent that it immobilises you and makes you feel worthless. You will begin to see how miserable and unhappy it makes you. And how closed off you are from receiving anything nice. Even positive things in your life can seem negative. Or at the very least you put a negative slant on it. It is so habitual.
This is obviously the opposite. When you talk nicely and kindly to yourself you feel great. You feel alive, confident and in control of your life. Above all, you feel optimistic. What I love about positive self-talk is that you are also able to accept compliments as you believe them. Rather than deflecting them and fobbing them, accept them with grace because you feel comfortable with yourself. Your heart is open full of love and joy.
What can you do to change this right now?
1. Listen to what you say to yourself.
This is so important. Because it is so habitual you don’t even realise how you are running yourself down. And it isn’t easy to do that sitting down quietly and taking the time to notice the words you are using. It is so much easier to distract yourself away from any discomfort. Well, as they say ‘what you resist, persists’. Why wouldn’t you want some discomfort in the short term to have such wonderful results in the long term?
2. Words to look out for:
- Cannot – eliminate this immediately out of your vocabulary
- Trying – let go of this as deep down you do not want to and you are not going to, it is an excuse to actually not do something rather than admit you cannot. Either do it or do not.
- Should have – sends you on a guilt trip
- Never – stops you dead in your tracks from even giving it a go
When you take the time you get clarity of what words and phrases you use and you can begin to monitor them.
3. Start to challenge your words
It’s time to start objecting and disagreeing with your negative words. Stop and listen. Then ask yourself how can I change this to be more positive. Would I speak to a loved one like this? What proof is there that I am what I thinking?
This will help you stop the conversations that go in your head and drive you to distraction. Because that is that they are distractions, energy wasters, time killers and get you nowhere but in a negative hole.
Through meditation and tapping, of course. These techniques can help you connect to your negativity, see it for what it is, and you can start letting go and bringing positivity into your life. Some I use when I am going into negativity is:
- take a deep breath to bring me into the here and now.
- literally take a step back to gain some perspective on the situation
- walk away and get a glass of water
- take time out to sit quietly for a while to just be and calm yourself down, to notice what is happening in your body and then let it go.
- Tap, no matter where I am. A quick tap takes me out of my head and into my heart, ie out of my negative thoughts into positive ones. Or at least neutral ones.
It sounds simple. And it takes time and dedication. Ask yourself this: do you want to feel like this forever? That is your answer. Once it is in your life, you will use it all the time. It becomes part of your life.
You have the power to create change!
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Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at www.unfoldyoufreedom.com.au
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