Carpe diem, seize the day as they say. And here is the final part of the verse and chapter of the effects of trauma, fear and PTSD on my life. And the hardest one to talk about and that is how it affected my fledgeling business, Franc Essential, natural skin care.
Effects of PTSD in my business
This is truly difficult to write about as I have had to deal with the fear of feeling a failure, what would others think, would people still deal with me, you are not meant to talk about things like this, keep it secret and private, do not share. Well, here I go.
Basically, it nearly failed. And I have just recently let it go in the format it has been in for the last 8 years. I have written numerous blogs on my Franc Essential page explaining in personal yet professional terms that I was transitioning from skin care to meditation, reiki, personal consults, etc. It was from the heart, yet I was still holding back. Did you really need to know?
I basically ran out of cash. I had very little cash flow to keep the business alive. In addition, middle of last year I had lost my manufacturer, mistakes were made on the packaging which the manufacturers would not accept liability for.
It all became too much. I had even been up to Hong Kong to the massive beauty trade fair and been given a lifeline or so I was lead to believe. And that went belly up as well.
feeling sorry for myself
Talk about starting to feel sorry for myself. No matter which way I looked it just did not happen. Well not in this way, at least. And I had lost my connection and passion to the brand, not the products as I had changed so much through this experience.
Reality hit me square in between the eyes. It is over, let go, and move on. But, but, I kept saying it is my baby. I have invested so much of my time, energy and money into this.
I cannot let it go. What a waste of all these years! Who am I now if I do not have this to hide behind, pretend I am someone of worth, of value? Furthermore, what do I do now? How do I earn an income, make ends meet and furthermore with debt?
I had not been in debt for many years and was so proud of that. Here I am now wondering how on earth will I pay it off. A sense of failure truly set in. How could I face anyone with my head held up high? I had been pretending to myself, playing a game and now I had to face the truth.
Fear rears its ugly head
All my decisions had been based on fear. After the accident, I was so fearful and that is what drove me to make the emotional and financial decisions I made, wise and unwise.
I acknowledge that I honour that and I own that. I cannot have regrets as what is done is done. It is time to move forward, get trust back in myself and create a whole new life which is what I am doing and doors are certainly starting to open again and in the most amazing ways.
Apart from all the pain, I was also going through menopause which creates a whole lot of other issues. I had memory loss, short concentration span, kept forgetting things and what people had said to me. In fact, they did not even register most of the time.
I would write everything down, get people to email me with reminders and I would still forget. It just did not even get past first base. That is not me. I had a sharp mind that could remember things so easily. I was on the ball, present and reliable.
Couldn’t rely on myself anymore
And now I was not. I could not even rely on myself. And I also had to deal with lawyers for a payout which was stressful as you had to prove how damaged you were.
The opposition made you feel like the guilty party. I struggled from one appointment to another to legal medical specialists, to the oppositions doctor who tries to catch you out.
I later found out that private detectives had been hired to follow me and create stories to suit their reason not to pay out. So you are trained as to what to say and not to.
So very stressful! And then come back to keep your business alive pretending nothing was happening. Bang, I feel in the middle into a deep depression as I was being two completely different people and could not keep this up.
don’t give up
Giving up is not in my nature. So I pushed too far and did not know when to let go and say it is OK. You gave it your best shot, time to change. And finally, I did. And the difference in my mind, body and soul has been phenomenal.
Thank you for being part of my journey and taking the time to read this. My wish is that it can help you in some way or other in your life.
Namaste to you. Remember you are never alone in this life and there is no need to be.
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Chantal Vanderhaeghen is an intuitive guide, small business owner, creator of an international skincare brand, passionate philanthropist and meditation, reiki, tapping and mindfulness teacher. She works with women ready to make changes, shatters perceptions of beauty and perfection, and inspires people ready to become mindful entrepreneurs. She lives with her talented man in the Perth Hills and can be found online at www.unfoldyoufreedom.com.au
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